Parents of Murdered Children

Last night I missed another Parents of Murdered Children meeting. I was going fairly regularly to these meetings and find them very beneficial. It's difficult to express how I feel about the other people in the support group. All are families who have lost someone close to them to homicide.

It's the one place where we can go and not feel uncomfortable talking about our grief. It's difficult talking about homicide grief. It's rare, at least in my family, that we talk about it amongst family and friends. Why? You'd think we'd want to talk about it. Well, for us it's because we don't want to cause our loved ones anymore pain than they are already feeling. Let's say one of us is having an okay day, maybe even a good day. Who would want to spoil that day by bringing up our own grief? It's just going to bring them down. It's not going to lift us up by sharing it. Also, once we start talking about it, instead of grief coming out, we all start getting angry. And anger is a major part of the grief. We're not angry at each other, we're angry at the situation. We feel cheated.

And then when we do see people that we haven't seen for a long time... I don't know. They start asking questions and we don't mind answering them. They want to know. They're interested. They care. But after a while of talking about it.... I just get ill. I don't know about other people.

At the POMC meetings the others don't look at you cross eyed when you start talking about that anger. They "get it". They feel the same anger. They don't mention the cliches. If you start blubbering, they know just what to say. And sometimes it's nothing. Some of the people there have been there for years. They are especially helpful because they can give at least a little direction if not much. We are all so different. But there's hope in seeing them there. I feel a sense of comfort having them there. Seeing that they are still sane and haven't gone bonkers. These people aren't going to say "don't dwell on it" "you have to move on" "think of the positives" "God has his reasons" "think of the grandchildren" etc....

That's a rich one. "Think of the grandchildren". As if we don't think of the grandchildren!

I just erased a whole paragraph. I was going to share some of the stories from other families but I had to remind myself they are not my stories to share.

All the stories are tragic. All the stories are heartbreaking. All the stories make you want to cry.

Anyhow, they meet on Wednesday nights. Unfortunately, Wednesdays are Nathan's days off. So, a lot of the foundation business is usually planned for Wednesdays. Last night I missed the meeting because Nathan was practicing his CalNENA keynote address. I wanted to hear it. I could've made the decision to go to the POMC meeting but I opted to listen to Nathan. It's a 45 minute speech and it will address some 600 people.

I missed the last meeting because Nathan had a foundation meeting. I could've opted for the POMC meeting but it's rare I get to go to foundation meetings. I'm usually watching the babies. So, I opted for Nathan's meeting.

I just got word this morning that the SW Florida POMC is going to have 2 meetings a month. One in Punta Gorda and the other in Fort Myers. So, hopefully I'll be able to attend one or the other.

I missed December's meeting. I forget why. I missed November's meeting (it was my birthday). I may even have missed October's meeting! I can't even remember. But, it's been months.