Tuesday, April 14, 2009

An apology

I'm sorry if I unnerved anybody in my last post. I can't take back anything I said because it's all true. But I am sorry. I was pretty fired up at the time and it's best to let it out here.

Again, my apologies. I just get very upset when people question my faith. It's my faith and I have to handle it.

Love and peace.


crystal said...

Peggy, I understand your anger and frustration. What happened to our relatives is, in my opinion, beyond human comprehension. You do not need to apologize. There is no figuring it out, there is no right and wrong. There is however, dealing and living with "it", and there is A LOT to deal with. You do a wonderful job in articulating yourself, and I am so grateful to you for writing your most intimate, or as intimate as we dare to be, feelings and thoughts here. I read your blog everyday, as it brings me comfort to hear the honesty of what really goes on for a survivor of homicide, so again Peggy, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a light. To a friend I would say, if you really want to be a friend, provide quiet love and peace, or get out of the way. We already have enough to deal with without others adding judgment and stress to our plates. You are much nicer than I am Peggy. I don't have time anymore for bull****. I am hurt, sad, and angry, and I have stopped apologizing. To whom and for what? We are strong, loving, caring people. I am a friend for you Peggy. I am here for you, and I understand. Denise would understand, and just like Rick and Karen would want, she would want you to take care of yourself.

Grieving Mother/Therapist, Angie Bennett Prince said...

Dearest Peggy,

I thank you for writing your blog and sharing your heart of hearts regarding so much that you are dealing with and going through. You had asked that "homicide survivors" contact you - well, we are both homicide survivors, and now homicide victims. I will go into more detail with you in a different forum, but for now, I just want to say "thank you" for sharing your heart here - it is very therapeutic for us; I read some of your blog to my husband last night, and he could really relate to the truth of your words as well.

I also thank you for the links you provided; those are already being helpful to us now also.

Peggy, you do not need to apologize for your hurt and anger. I think one of THE hardest things through this is that kind of heartless reaction from people who are totally clueless to your pain and agony. We expect the horrible pain of missing our loved one, of having to face the horror they went through, and many other aspects of our grief, but when a non-grieving person throws yet another burden in our lap of unrealistic expectations of moving on, or even worse, of ignorant, hard-hearted statements about our Lord and our faith in Him, that hits a nerve so deep and so vulnerable that its effect is just downright cruel. And that, in my opinion, has NOTHING to do with the loving, compassionate, patient, understanding God that I know. HE loves us enough to meet us IN the pain, coming alongside to hold us up through it.

My husband and I tell the people who care about us that this complicated grief has thrown us into a spiritual train-wreck where we are having to reassess everything that we once "knew" or "thought we knew"; it takes a LOT of work, and I know our Heavenly Father understands that and is ever ready to walk it through with us. I know because He is doing that for me and we are 2 1/2 years out and still in excruciating pain. It can be very scary and unsettling when the very foundation we have always stood on to be grounded is shaken up, and in some ways turned completely upside down.

Just know you are in my prayers and in my heart. Even in your spiritual confusion, and especially in your spiritual confusion, may our Lord hold you in His arms and comfort your heart,

Your sister in Christ and fellow-griever,