Friday, May 14, 2010

a child's homicide grief

Last month we went to a ceremony for crime victim's in Charlotte County. A young lady spoke about her parents. They had been murdered many years ago. She was two years old. She was found in a carseat after sitting there for two days while her parents died beside her after being shot by a monster. I do not know the full story. I wish I did. I cannot go there. I remember how horrified I was when reading the news over a decade ago. But, I promptly forgot about it and went on with my then fairly normal life. Homicide grief is not a news story. It does not go away. I guess you have to go through it to truly understand.

Now this young girl is a teenager much loved and cared for by her grandparents. The story (even tho' I cannot read the details) is close to my heart and garners much concern for me. This young lady was the age my grandson was when Denise was murdered. Thank God he has his dad but even that is a handicap because my son is..... well, he is not quite himself. Well he is himself now but he will never be his old self. So, I look at this young teenage girl and I am so proud of her and how she has survived. I am so proud of her that she still loves, misses and cherishes her parents.

She spoke at the ceremony. This is what she said:

Monsters are not just creatures little kids think live under their beds orin their closets .They can be real live people. It takes a monster to kill a person. It takes an even bigger monster to kill the parents of a little baby.When that little baby is me, people always come up to me telling me how sorry they are. I know they mean what they say and being almost 15 I have learned to live with the fact that I will never get to meet my parents. Alot of people in my life have been robbed of the presence of my parents in their life.Like my six year old cousin. He will never get the chance to meet his uncle and aunt. I hate when my friends say they hate their parents. Ifeel like climbing the highest building in the world and yelling "at least you have your parents to meet love and get the hug and kiss". I have my grandparents, aunts and uncles but that really does not fill the gap. Sometimes I think to myself why me? Why do my parents have to be dead? Most ofthe time I get over it but sometimes I hear their voices .So I am living proof that there is hope. That you can get over the hurt but always remember the memories. Sometimes I wish I had the memories to lean back on but I don't. I love when people come up to me telling me how much I remind them of my parents in the way I talk, laugh, dress, did my hair that day and walk. It makes me feel as if they never died. Sometimes I feel as if no one understands what pain I go through. It may be a little easier for me because I was so little but it still hurts. I know I can't do anything about what happened but I can live my life with some quotes. Like from the song I hopeyou dance "May you never take one single breath for granted "which I think means you never know when your last day on earth is going to be so live your life to the fullest . Even though it's different now your still here. Somehow even though my parents are dead they are still here through me. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance even though sometimes bad things can happen in your life. Something good may come out of the bad things. Like me . Ricky was our "L"but he's home with the flu, Lizzie our "O" had some homeworkto do, Mitchell our "E" probably got lost on the way. So I'm all of "love" that could make it today. So as all of life's fast balls come your way are you going to make it part of the dance? Do you miss screaming, fighting, and kissing in the rain? It's two and I'm cursing your name. I know I am going to make my fast balls part of the dance and not let the monster who killed my parents live under my bed or in my closet."

<3 I love you

Maranda Joellin Malnory

April 21 12.07 am

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