Friday, January 14, 2011

Three years

Monday will be the three year anniversary of Denise's death. Has it gotten easier? Yes and no. The pain is still there (I guess it never goes away) but easier in that I now recognize "triggers" and have learned how to cope. I've also learned that it is impossible to "move on". Who would want to? Not me, certainly. I'll never give up mourning or missing Denise. She should be here and that's that. But I do realize that we can "move forward". The hardest part in all this is watching my son and grandsons. The boys are now 5 and 3 years old. And they know that they are missing a mommy. The oldest Noah asked recently "when do angels come back?" And Adam moved one of his baby pictures from one table and placed on a table 3" away from and facing Denise.

We do realize our blessings though and mourn and hurt for all those who face homicides in their families. I could not watch the televised presentations on what happened in Tucson. I KNOW what those families are experiencing and it hurts unbearably just watching the TV. It seems wrong but I'm not about hearing about Gabby Giffords. She's alive. Her family has her. I know they are in pain and in shock but shouldn't the Fort Hood tragedy gotten more coverage than this? It's all so tragic and just brings back all the anger I've been working so diligently to control.

God bless us all. We need it.

I'd much rather concentrate on Denise and my family and all the other families that need and/or could use my help. I want to help others so bad and have no clue as to where to even start. I guess the POMC meetings are the best place to start. Sadly, we have more people joining our group. How awful is that? But it is the one place they can and I can express our anger without being told "get over it" and "move on".

I'm so depressed. Sorry for the downer and the rant.

The boys are well, happy and a joy.

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