Families, devastation and pain that never stops.

In thinking about our lives today I can't help but think about all the families one senseless murder (Denise's) has effected.

The senselessness, the anger, the pain and suffering, the empty void, the madness, the sadness, the lives that could very well be destroyed unless great battles are fought.

I know the members of my immediate family, Mark, Nate, Brian and myself battle everyday to go on with some sort of normalcy and happiness. I believe we're making great strides in our battles. Noah and Adam certainly help with that. They, of course, keep us centered and focused on the future and we strive for as much normalcy in their lives and our own as possible.

Interestingly, the 9-1-1 debacle that happened in the Charlotte County 9-1-1 center to Denise has also helped. It's been astounding the support we've been receiving from around the world and across the country. I tear up just thinking of how those folks in San Diego pumped up and motivated Mark, Nate and the two Daves with renewed vigor and drive. Those folks out at CalNENA were so absolutely wonderful in their generosity and support. It meant so much because we now know that Denise's death wasn't totally senseless and that lives will and are being saved. To be meeting in Washington DC with NENA and other 9-1-1 industry experts!

sigh. They just don't know what it means for us to be able to help improve things. Not that they don't do a good job already. But what happened to Denise should never have happened. And even if human error was involved in Charlotte County, the human errors need to be minimized. The problems in our local 9-1-1 center went way beyond human error. In any case, dispatchers and call takers are our front line.

Denise saved two very precious lives the day she died. She literally saved Noah and Adam by keeping the murderer as far away from them as possible and getting the murderer out of the house. She was already a hero and IMO a saint. She martyred herself for her children.

I think of the foundation volunteers who stepped up in our time of need. How awesome have they been? I don't think people realize the time and effort these people dedicate to the events we've been participating in. And even behind the scenes answering emails, doing research, contacting people, and shielding us from God knows what. They've been our front line. I think of the time they've taken away from their own families to help our cause. Angels in blue indeed.

Back to families that have been effected by the ripples of Denise's senseless murder:

Of course, there's our family and Denise's family. There's our extended families of cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, etc.....

Then there's the murderer's family and his extended family. I can't imagine what their lives are like. I'm sure they've been ostracized and shunned. I'm sure they are experiencing many of the same feelings we're feeling. Anger, pain, senselessness, the questions, numbness, surrealness, isolation, anger again..... No, I wouldn't want to be a part of that family. It's odd though. Most people know Denise's name from all the publicity but many people don't recognize the perpetrator's name or his cousin who allegedly unwittingly helped him. You say those names and people draw blanks. I guess that's a positive for their families.

The families of the volunteers. The volunteers have been and continue to be overwhelming with their help to us. Their families must have had concerns in the beginning. But you know? Their families are usually right out there with us! I think it's been a very positive (yet negative) experience for the kids in helping with the community and fighting for a cause that it seems we will win in time! To be a part of that? That's pretty cool.

I know I'm rambling but I'm just thinking out loud at the senselessness of it all. And of course of all the pain and suffering "one" person caused to so many people and not just Denise.

Of course, Denise suffered most of all. I hate to write of that. I have very ugly thoughts there and have in the past compared her suffering to Christ's. That offends people probably but I honestly believe Denise suffered more than Jesus did. I know that blasphemous. But I can't help thinking it. Jesus knew why he was dying and chose to die. Denise didn't choose to die. Denise was terrorized, humiliated, violated, torn from her children and fought tooth and nail to live. I just can't come to terms with the way that man made her suffer. She who never gave harm to anyone.

That's one of the problems with homicide grief. You can't help but remember how your loved on suffered and died. It boggles the mind to think someone could hurt your loved one in such an awful way, kill her and than throw her away like she was trash. Naked in a shallow grave so the alligators could get her.

I just don't get that. I never will.

Sorry. People don't understand that the pain never seems to stop. It hurts just thinking about her. And that's not fair to her. She who was so precious and wonderful and good.