Friday, March 27, 2009

Homicide Grief Hurricane Chart

Yes, I'm playing amateur psychologist and created this chart.

And I guess you're probably wondering what you're looking at!

I was trying to describe to someone the feelings of isolation we feel as homicide survivors. I can't speak for others but the above Hurricane chart sums it up for me.

I feel as if I'm living in the eye of a hurricane isolated and somewhat protected from the terrible winds swirling around me. Those winds every once in a while throw debris our way.

In the eye of the hurricane beside me are my husband, my widowed son, and my two grandchildren. You may even include Denise's parents in the eye.

Just outside the eye are Brian (our other son) and Mark's mom and my parents. We live with Mark's mom so she's pretty much in the eye but Brian and my parents live quite a distance away so they enter and exit the eye at times.

You'll notice the foundation members and volunteers are just as close to us as Brian and my parents. That's odd considering we didn't know these people before we lost Denise but they are beside us and do their best to bolster us and support us in many ways. They help us keep going with our crusade for 9-1-1 reform. My support group from Parents of Murdered Children would be included with these people. Work employees who we've become close with and any new friends would be included in this group.

Oddly, just outside of these people you'll find our extended family. My siblings, nieces, nephews, and Mark's brother and his family.

Even further out than that are our old friends who either have distanced themselves from us for their own reasons or simply can't seem to reach us because they don't know how. We don't know how to reach them either. People are swirling around in the storm trying to reach their hands to us inside the eye and we're trying to reach to them but connections are rare.

Because it's a hurricane nothing is fixed and the storm is continually moving at a very fast pace. Sometimes people get close and then swirl away again. It is completely out of anyone's control.

We (Mark, Nate, Noah and Adam) never leave the eye.

Everyone cares about us and we care about everyone caught up in the storm but communication is spotty and sometimes non-existant.

This is my personal hurricane chart. Nathan's, Mark's, Brian's, Noah and Adam's, etc..... charts would probably be different. They might look at my chart and say "Mom! So and so should be in this group!" or "why isn't so and so in the eye? They should be in the eye!"


Jeanine said...

I like your diagram. I think it is good for you to really get out how you are feeling. Do you like to paint? I have found art of any form to be very healing. It is a good way to express and release your feelings.

I believe the people who seem furthest away probably do so because they don't know what to do. They don't want to cause you more pain. Or it could be that they feel they have lost you too. which is true, because you will never truly be the same person you were before. They may just want to wait for you to reach out to them, because they want to give you time to heal. Just my opinion of course. :)

crystal said...