Friday, February 6, 2009

Someone said to me today "you have lost your mind"

I guess I have. At first, I thought this person was kidding. But, no, he was serious. It all goes back to internet forums.

I'm so upset. I'm shaking. I haven't participated a whole lot in the forums. I haven't found much joy in it. But I keep going back hoping somehow to find that chemistry I felt with it before my daughter in law died. So I post an occasional thread about what's going on with my son and the trial and my blogging. But I've had trouble getting involved in the other threads about other stuff.

Yeah, I've lost my mind. Yesterday and today, I visited the forums and tried to participate more. I got involved and even got into some arguments. I asserted my beliefs in what I thought was right and wrong. I felt I had valid points. Some people even agreed with me. But others... told me I lost my mind.

They are angry with me. I don't even know why. I guess I have lost my mind.

I can't stop crying inside.

My whole life is different and topsy turvy. I wonder if I'll ever find myself again. I guess the reality is, I won't. I'll never be my old self again.

But that doesn't mean I lost my mind. That just means I've changed.

It's amazing how one statement can just shatter me. I feel as if I have needles sticking in me but they're on the inside.


Jeanine said...

Why is it that tend to hold onto the negative comments, and forget the compliments easier? I do the same thing.
whoever said this to you is callous and cold. Block them- avoid them- they are not worth your time.
You do not need to justify why you think the way you do. Oh my god, what your family is going through- what Denise went through is horrific. I like to believe What goes around comes around. Remember those that love you and support you- those that don't are not worth it.

Chad said...

I know you were terribly hurt, but I hope that you understand that the comment was WRONG. So in the end, as hurtful as it was, it doesn't matter. It's false. It doesn't deserve any more of your emotion or energy.

You know you haven't lost your mind. I know you haven't. And it goes without saying that we are never wrong.

For your own good, please put it behind you. You have more important things that require your attention than one thoughtless comment.

Angie said...

what forum are you posting on?? Why on earth would someone say that? I still can't understand people these days...Its pointless to try to figure them out...let it're so much better than them.

Tammy said...

Some people are just cruel. Especially on forums. It's like they think that the anonymity allows them to say whatever they want, no matter how mean. Don't let it get to you. And you know where to find me if you need someone to talk to.

Grieving Mother/Therapist, Angie Bennett Prince said...

Dearest Peggy,

I know the feeling -- when I have been through the most horrid and raw grief imaginable, the LAST thing I need is a MEAN comment. And yes, of course that person is either incredibly ignorant or hostile, mean or evil -- and maybe even all of the above, and at some level you may KNOW that about this person. BUT it does not NEGATE the incredible PAIN this throws in your lap when you are RAW in your grief and COMPLETELY VULNERABLE, so no one should negate YOUR PAIN - IT IS REAL no matter how all-day-long you may consider-the-source, AND IT IS INEXCUSABLE.

Like one of your commenters wisely suggested, and I highlight, "BLOCK THEM-AVOID THEM-THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME-YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY WHY YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO!"

Peggy, I have unfortunately learned these things the hard way as the same things (asinine comments) have been happening to me in my raw grief, and they have come from people who I thought loved me more than anyone, so their mean comments have been INCREDIBLY HURTFUL AND INCREDIBLY CRUEL. As much as I hate to, for my sake, I have to face the reality of what is REALLY in their hearts, AND RESPOND ACCORDINGLY -- not hatefully for that is not my intention ever because I love these people, but IN WISDOM, FACE WHO THEY REALLY ARE, THE MEANNESS THEY REALLY HAVE INSIDE (FOR WHATEVER THEIR REASONS) AND PROTECT MYSELF FROM THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

It is adamant for us grievers to draw our boundaries around ourselves, letting in the kindness and sweet empathy (when-it-is-genuine), and WALL OUT the mean-spirited people who have ANY OTHER AGENDA THAN OUR HEALING AND LOVING US THROUGH THIS INCREDIBLE PAIN-WE-NEVER-ASKED-FOR-BUT-MUST-WALK-THROUGH-WITH-GOD'S-HELP. I really hate it that life is just this way - but the old statement of Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?" is naive and disregards the very real EVIL that is in this fallen world.

Jesus Himself said, "I am sending you out as sheep among wolves; therefore be as shrewd as snakes but as innocent as doves. . . . But be on your guard against men . . . . When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another." (Matthew 10:16-23 NIV)

Please hear your own cries of hurt, that are very LEGITIMATE CRIES - they are not crazy - and protect yourself from such people right now. Your heart is too raw to have to grapple with their craziness or meanness when you already have quite-enough-on-your-plate-thank-you-very-much!

My prayers are with you! Ask God to guide you and give you all the discernment you need, and He will help you establish wise, protective boundaries for yourself.

Much love,